Archive | January, 2012

Turn of the Century Tuesday: Seventeen’s 2001 Prom Issue

31 Jan

Little-known fact: There are few things I love more than calling the early 2000s the turn of the century. I figure I have another decade of this before it crosses from “clever or mildly obnoxious depending on how much you like me” into “weird,” and then another decade or two after that before I genuinely sound like I’m centuries old when I explain to children that at the turn of the century, if I was using something called a landline to talk to a friend of mine on HER landline, I could not simultaneously go online, or, as we called it in my day, “cruise down the information superhighway.” [God, that’s going to sound as unfathomably antiquated to my kids as party lines do to me, isn’t it?]

So what I’m saying is that I’ve only got a few more years of this before the passage of time goes and ruins everything, and I might as well spend it doing things like scanning pages from the 2001 prom issue of Seventeen, which shockingly contains only eighteen photos of midriff-baring prom dresses, although there are more than enough midriffs elsewhere:


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ALL THE PILOTS: Touch

27 Jan

I’ll say right off the bat that I don’t know if I’ll bother watching Touch when its regular season launches in March. I don’t know if there’s a viable series in this concept – or, more fairly, I don’t know if it’s going to be a series that appeals to me.
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One Tree Hill 903: BABY ON A STRETCHER!!!

26 Jan

After last week’s disappointingly low levels of nutballs, One Tree Hill is back to form this week. I’m just going to get right to the ending, because it’s too good to save for the end: Julian forgot he had one of the babies with him while he was running errands and left him in the car, only to find his parking space swarming with police and paramedics loading the baby onto an ambulance. BABY ON A STRETCHER! I think it was a fakeout to make us think the baby died? but maybe when babies are left in locked cars it’s just standard procedure to put them on adult stretchers and cover them with a sheet, I don’t know. What I do know is that Julian Baker has certainly lived up to his last name, and that maybe Brooke will think twice about naming her new line of designer baby boy clothes Baker Man. The pun’s less cute when your husband almost kills your kid, right?
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Jane By Design 104: The Ben Quimby Show

25 Jan

Did the first two episodes open with voiceover cold opens? Because they happened this week and last week, and both times they were awkward, pointless, and completely disconnected from the rest of the episode. This week Jane talks about how fashion designers always need to keep their work fresh and surprising because eventually everything looks shitty and dated. OR SOMETHING.
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One Tree Hill 902: SHUT IT DOWN!

19 Jan

Someone get me the police, because I have been a victim of FALSE ADVERTISING. Last week, with the flood of unfamiliar faces, I naturally assumed that any characters I didn’t see had left town or been murdered or lost their souls in a deal with the devil or whatever. This was sad in some cases – where’s Keith? I’m sure wherever Keith is, he’s happy and healthy and definitely didn’t get shot by that kid that time and then turn into a ghost, and probably he and Karen have had a kid or two by now and everyone is happy and perfect – but positively blissful in others, because most of the people on this show who aren’t Brooke are just the worst.
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Jane By Design 103: If there’s a Birkin bag in the first act, you have to get food on it by the third act.

18 Jan

FIRST, THE ONLY PART OF THIS SHOW THAT TRULY MATTERS: BEN QUIMBY/RITA SHAW! Ben’s first day as the assistant baseball coach was this week, but, due to budget cuts, he’s not only a coach – he’s also a gym teacher, driver’s ed instructor, and occasional SEX ED TEACHER, which I cannot WAIT for, improbable as it is. Ms. Shaw is the one to show him to the storage room that is his office and tell him about the dozens of job duties that apparently never came up in the hiring process, and, at the end of the school day, he waltzes into her office, plops down on her couch, starts to tell her about his day, and – after she reminds him that she’s neither his guidance counselor nor his therapist – says “I’m gonna win you over, Rita Shaw. You just wait and see.”

And that killed me, so that’s going to be the end of this recap and this blog and my life as a functioning human being.
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ALL THE PILOTS: Napoleon Dynamite, Alcatraz

18 Jan

Napoleon Dynamite: If it were ten years ago and I still made a habit of watching Fox’s Sunday animation lineup, I’d be more than happy to watch this show as well. It’s a huge step up from Allen Gregory, which admittedly isn’t hard, and although I’ve seen some reviews that grumbled about how the zanier approach of the animated series somehow betrays the emotion of the movie, I really don’t think that anyone watching a Napoleon Dynamite animated series in 2012 is thinking “I hope it’s emotionally consistent with the source material!”
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ALL THE PILOTS: Rob

14 Jan

The problem with my All the Pilots personal challenge is that it’s impossible to fall behind. I completely forgot Rob was airing until ten minutes after its pilot ended, and, had I been blessed enough to be born twenty years earlier, once I missed a terrible pilot, that would be it. [On the flip side, twenty years ago they aired originally programming seven days a week, and I could never have handled that many pilots.] Instead, I spent Thursday night exasperatedly waiting for a download to show up [note to CBS and the MPAA: I’m talking about iTunes, duh], and now I can never take back the fact that I’m a person who has said “come on, where’s the Rob download?”
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ALL THE PILOTS: The Finder

13 Jan

I can’t decide if, as a longtime fan of Bones/Hart Hanson in general, I’m biased in The Finder’s favor, or if, as someone who has recently [and dramatically] quit watching Bones because of issues that were becoming apparent just as The Finder’s backdoor pilot aired last season, I’m biased against it. GREAT MYSTERIES OF OUR TIME, clearly, someone call Geoff Stults to find the answer!
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One Tree Hill 901: Who are all of these people?

12 Jan

Sometimes I think One Tree Hill might be my favorite TV show. Granted, I think this was the first episode I’ve watched in the last four years, and also this is definitely NOT my favorite show, but here is what happens in the first minute:
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