This has been sitting in draft form since March 7, the day after the finale aired, and six weeks after the fact is a little late to be posting about an episode but the post was mostly written and also I like closure. This show will be back with eight more garbage episodes this summer, but whether I will actually watch them is truly anyone’s guess. HERE GOES!
I had a very important epiphany a few minutes into this episode: I HATE THIS SHOW. I don’t think I’ve always hated it; I’m sure I would have noticed. But I hate it now. THANKFULLY, it hit a point somewhere in the last third of the episode where it crossed some undetectable line and went from infuriatingly stupid to just hilariously stupid, so, that’s cool.
ONE TREE HILL, WE HARDLY KNEW YE because we all stopped watching and even if we checked back in at some point we probably stopped watching again.
My TV told me I’d be getting two hours of OTH, but it actually split up into roughly 45 minutes for a retrospective and an hour fifteen of finale. 45 minutes of “One Tree Hill: Always and Forever” is, as it turns out, about half an hour more than I’m willing to sit through, so I don’t know how most of it went. I got to the part where Mark Schwann said something about how the quote from Shakespeare that closes out the pilot is “very indicative of the show itself,” and then I fast forwarded to the part where they talked about the school shooting episode. Mark Schwann noticed that people always talked about Columbine in hushed voices, and he felt like it was his duty to say something loudly? MARK SCHWANN, EVEERYBODY. NOBODY WAS BRAVE ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH COLUMBINE, SO HE HEALED OUR NATION’S SEVEN-YEAR-OLD WOUNDS IN AN HOURLONG TIMESLOT ON THE WB. Full disclosure, though: I cried like a baby at that episode.
And then finale! (more…)
WHAT HAPPENED? Oh man, what happened is that I got an actual day job at roughly the same time that Comcast did whatever they did that was supposedly a system upgrade but effectively means I can’t get even broadcast channels without a cable box anymore, THANKS, COMCAST, I’LL GET AROUND TO CALLING FOR A TECH TO COME OUT NEVER, so I just kind of stopped watching everything? I still have a mostly-finished and surprisingly hateful Jane By Design finale recap sitting in a draft somewhere. MORE IMPORTANTLY, though, tonight’s the series finale of One Tree Hill! It sounds EXCITING:
The 10th anniversary of Tric attracts old faces and creates new possibilities.
TELL ME MORE! But first can we talk about how I just INHALED the five episodes of this show that I missed, and they were honestly incredible? I WILL GENUINELY MISS THIS SHOW AND HOW FEARLESSLY NUTBALLS IT IS. Vulture ran something today about all the things that have happened since OTH premiered, and I was super excited about it because I thought it would be like KIDNAPPING! STALKING! FACE-SWITCHING! AMNESIA! AN IMPLAUSIBLE AMOUNT OF PROPERTY OWNERSHIP! A MILLION CELEBRITIES IN TREE HILL! INSIDER TRADING! ESPIONAGE! but instead it was like FACEBOOK WASN’T EVEN IN EXISTENCE WHEN THIS SHOW PREMIERED! We know. Save that shit for when SVU goes off the air, and then shock me with how long it’s been by showing me what cell phones the characters had in the first season.
Anyway, here’s what I missed on One Tree Hill.