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Jane By Design 110: Who cares, Rita wasn’t even in this one. When it aired. Six weeks ago.

17 Apr

This has been sitting in draft form since March 7, the day after the finale aired, and six weeks after the fact is a little late to be posting about an episode but the post was mostly written and also I like closure. This show will be back with eight more garbage episodes this summer, but whether I will actually watch them is truly anyone’s guess. HERE GOES!

I had a very important epiphany a few minutes into this episode: I HATE THIS SHOW. I don’t think I’ve always hated it; I’m sure I would have noticed. But I hate it now. THANKFULLY, it hit a point somewhere in the last third of the episode where it crossed some undetectable line and went from infuriatingly stupid to just hilariously stupid, so, that’s cool.

Jane By Design 109: The line to be Ben Quimby’s camping buddy forms behind me.

29 Feb

The big news this week is that I finally got my computer fixed, which means that if you aren’t watching, you no longer have to take my word for it when it comes to Ben Quimby’s adorability: Now I’ve got gifs aplenty to back it up.

Anyway, this week it became apparent to me that a viewer’s understanding of this show is inversely proportionate to how many episodes they’ve seen. For example, I think it would be very easy for a new viewer to watch this episode and fill in the blanks themselves, but, having seen every single episode of this ridiculous show, I spent most of the hour wondering what the hell was going on and what I’d missed, because nothing makes any sense.

Well, one thing makes sense. One thing makes TOTAL SENSE, and if they used up all their sense on that, then I’m fine, because it was WORTH IT.

Elsewhere, though, we’ve got India pining over a guy we’ve never seen her care about. We’ve got Gray and Jane acting like they’re only just realizing that maybe they don’t trust India. And we’ve got Lulu dumping Billy for never putting her first when actually, their priorities have always been more or less in line. Everything is stupid, basically.

Jane By Design 108: The One Where I Pretend It’s an OC Crossover

27 Feb

This week on JBD, Autumn Reeser plays a socialite who’s commissioned Donovan himself to design her wedding dress for what’s supposed to be the closest thing America will ever have to a royal wedding. This character has a name and a little bit of backstory; I have ignored it, because this episode is about what happens when Taylor Townsend asks Donovan Decker to design the dress she wears when she marries Ryan Atwood. End of story!

Jane By Design 106/107: Ben Quimby reads Twilight; is adorable.

21 Feb

In the two weeks I’ve spent falling behind on this show, the internet has finally figured out how old Erica Dasher is, and she’s somehow 25? Maybe even 26? And we might have briefly been students at the same college at the same time? So apparently it’s not the entire staff of Donovan Decker that can’t identify a teenager, it’s me.

Jane By Design 105: Fake iPhone, Real Paris

7 Feb

[Apologies for the delay! Normally I watch the show and post this on Wednesday afternoons, but I spent Wednesday afternoon at work and then almost died, soooo, you know, slight scheduling change. Let’s see if I even remember this episode.]

This week’s episode was weirdly uneven – there was a lot going on in a lot of places in the first half, but the second half was all Jane and her search for the Donovan Decker lookbook. This might just be my Ben Quimby love talking, since he vanished for good just before the episode’s halfway mark, but it made for a pretty dull viewing experience.

Jane By Design 104: The Ben Quimby Show

25 Jan

Did the first two episodes open with voiceover cold opens? Because they happened this week and last week, and both times they were awkward, pointless, and completely disconnected from the rest of the episode. This week Jane talks about how fashion designers always need to keep their work fresh and surprising because eventually everything looks shitty and dated. OR SOMETHING.

Jane By Design 103: If there’s a Birkin bag in the first act, you have to get food on it by the third act.

18 Jan

FIRST, THE ONLY PART OF THIS SHOW THAT TRULY MATTERS: BEN QUIMBY/RITA SHAW! Ben’s first day as the assistant baseball coach was this week, but, due to budget cuts, he’s not only a coach – he’s also a gym teacher, driver’s ed instructor, and occasional SEX ED TEACHER, which I cannot WAIT for, improbable as it is. Ms. Shaw is the one to show him to the storage room that is his office and tell him about the dozens of job duties that apparently never came up in the hiring process, and, at the end of the school day, he waltzes into her office, plops down on her couch, starts to tell her about his day, and – after she reminds him that she’s neither his guidance counselor nor his therapist – says “I’m gonna win you over, Rita Shaw. You just wait and see.”

And that killed me, so that’s going to be the end of this recap and this blog and my life as a functioning human being.

Jane By Design 102: All your love interests are douchebags.

11 Jan

This week on Jane By Design, Jane’s got two major events coming up – some kind of fashion show/launch party for work, and the winter formal. NATURALLY, they’re on the same day, which normally wouldn’t matter because Jane’s not a big fan of high school, but the hot guy [Nick! I know his name now!] half-assedly asked her to be his date, and rather than say “well, there’s an event I have to go to for my internship, but maybe we could hang out some other time this weekend instead?” like a normal person, she just decides to run back and forth between the two, because that worked out so well in the Hannah Montana movie. [No it didn’t! It made Lucas Till sad!]


ALL THE PILOTS: Jane By Design

5 Jan

I actually watched this yesterday morning, but I figure it’s the kind of show where a 24-hour delay can only make the commentary better.

Work It was about how easy it is to find a job if you’re a woman; Jane By Design is about how easy it is to find a job if you’re a grown woman. In a nutshell: Jane applies for an internship because she and her brother are strapped for cash, a secretary drops a pile of paperwork like she’s the gate agent in Home Alone 2, Jane is mistaken for a qualified adult and becomes a fashion exec’s assistant because nobody cares that she looks and acts sixteen and started her interview by picking a wedgie. Now her life is crazy because she’s a high school student AND Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada!


Crimes of Fashion (ABC Family, 2004)

1 Jan

Crimes of Fashion is the story of Brooke Taylor, a student at the prestigious-sounding Fashion University [sister school: Design State]. As it turns out, Brooke, who spent her childhood in foster care after her parents were killed in a car accident, had a grandfather she never knew, and he’s a recently deceased mob boss. According to his second-in-command, it’s up to Brooke to take control of the family business and fulfill her late grandfather’s dream: Transitioning it into a legitimate enterprise.

Brooke’s got her own problems, though – Megan Fox is always SUPER mean to her, her crush has no idea she even exists, she can’t tell her friends about her new life, and there’s this new guy she keeps running into!

Can Brooke find love and pass her wedding dress class? Can a girl who never had a family learn to lead one?

A better question: Does anything in this movie make sense?