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ALL THE PILOTS: Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. A Joss Whedon Production Brought To You By ABC

25 Sep

SHIELD is kind of a weird case in that it was never going to matter if it wasn’t very good. As long as it wasn’t outright terrible, Joss Whedon were still gonna be on board, Marvel people were still gonna be on board, a metric fuckton of people were still gonna tune in. Nobody’s waiting for anyone else’s opinion on SHIELD to decide if it’s worth watching or not! If you were expecting to like SHIELD, you’re gonna like SHIELD!

If you weren’t expecting to like SHIELD or weren’t sure what to expect: I didn’t like SHIELD!


ALL THE PILOTS: Dads / Brooklyn Nine-Nine

17 Sep

Brooklyn Nine-Nine is good! I’m not really going to talk about it! It didn’t blow me away or anything, but it’s got an incredibly promising foundation, which is frankly the more important thing for a comedy pilot. It also looks like the writers already know how to balance their ensemble, which is a great sign going forward! Good job, Brooklyn Nine-Nine!

SHOCK OF THE CENTURY: Dads is terrible, and it only looks worse next to Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

ALL THE PILOTS: Sleepy Hollow

17 Sep

By now you’ve already heard from everyone and their Twitter followers about Sleepy Hollow – if you haven’t watched it yourself, that is – but ALL THE PILOTS means ALL THE PILOTS. Anyway, bigger spoilers than usual in this one.


ALL THE PILOTS 2013: Back in the Game

13 Sep

IT’S THAT TIME AGAIN, and this year I’ve got an ACTUAL FUNCTIONING INTERNET CONNECTION, so I’ll be able to properly subject myself to all the garbage the networks are putting out. It’s not just me, right? Outside of Fox and the CW it looks like we’re dealing exclusively with garbage? SO MUCH GARBAGE. ALL THE GARBAGE 2013.

Speaking of garbage, I started this season with Back in the Game!



2 Feb

Before we begin, I would like to inform you all that despite its OBVIOUS AND ASTOUNDING levels of quality, Do No Harm debuted to literally the WORST series premiere ratings anything has ever gotten EVER on a real network, and the fact that it is still scheduled to air a second episode next week is frankly miraculous. THEREFORE I urge you all to sign my internet petition to SAVE DO NO HARM from a swift and unjust cancellation. Also tweet about it! TWEETING SAVES LIVES SHOWS!

ALL THE PILOTS: Some of the pilots?

1 Oct

So it turns out that All the Pilots was a lot easier to do last year, when I:

a) was unemployed
b) was a part-time student taking mostly online classes that took up a total of three hours of my week, never during primetime
c) had an internet connection faster than dialup and a working DVR
d) had never done ALL THE PILOTS before and still had an unbroken spirit
e) still watched a lot of TV in a general sense but wasn’t super-passionate about any one show

NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE TRUE THIS YEAR! Terrible! Plus also so many things were previewed early this year that I feel like buzz more or less took care of itself. Anyway, I still haven’t seen the pilots of Animal Practice [which aired in AUGUST], Made in Jersey, Last Resort, or Elementary, but here’s a quick rundown of everything else:

ALL THE PILOTS: The Mob Doctor

18 Sep

It can be really, really frustrating to have a lot of experience with how something works, then see it depicted on TV. You know, like lawyers who can’t watch lawyer shows, or cops who can’t watch cop shows, or high school chemistry teachers turned meth cooks who can’t watch Breaking Bad. Something the inaccuracies that the average viewer would never pick up on are just too glaring for an expert to bear.

The Mob Doctor is about a surgical resident, which makes it really difficult for me to sit through. You might not know this about me, but I have dedicated literally hundreds of hours to watching Grey’s Anatomy, so obviously I know a shitload about surgery, and even MORE about surgeons and hospital politics. It’s okay to be intimidated by my expertise, you guys, most people are.

ALL THE PILOTS: Guys With Kids

13 Sep


Okay, some comment. I love Jimmy Fallon. I have loved Jimmy Fallon since 2002, and it has not always been an easy road, but ultimately, it’s been a very rewarding one. I love that Jesse Bradford boy. I want, so badly, to love this show. And really, I didn’t find anything especially objectionable about it! Things were funny! People were likeable! Kareem Abdul Jabbar was there because it’s a sitcom and that’s the law I think! Except I’m me and it’s 2012 and this is a traditional multi-cam sitcom complete with laugh track and I cannot do this right now, NOT EVEN FOR YOU, JIMMY FALLON. NOT. EVEN. FOR. YOU. I’ll check back in a month or two to see how it’s going, I swear!

ALL THE PILOTS [and then some]: Go On and The New Normal

12 Sep

Comedy pilots are weird, you guys. Based on pilots alone, you can usually weed out the unbelievably terrible shows – shows like Work It, Are You There Chelsea, that upcoming midseason one where Dane Cook’s on the radio – but it’s much, much harder to figure out which comedies will be great and which ones will be mediocre. Comedies need more time than dramas to find their feet, so the best approach to a sitcom pilot is usually to think about what elements have potential and which ones aren’t working, then see if later episodes adjust accordingly.

Luckily, NBC’s weird-ass promotional strategy meant that Go On and The New Normal both aired their second episodes tonight, so I can do a little bit of that!


Upfronts 2012: NBC moves Community to Fridays, is the devil, etc.

15 May

UPFRONTS, YOU GUYS! I was going to talk about how upfronts are like Christmas, or my birthday, but it actually reminds me most of senior year of high school, when college decision letters started coming in: I’m glad New Girl got into her #1 pick, but of course she was always going to, I still don’t understand why The Mindy Project was rejected from her early decision school, but I know she’s going to love where she’s headed and it’s a better school anyway, and Are You There, Chelsea‘s pile of rejection letters gives me a wicked rush of schadenfreude – serves her right for that time she wronged me in seventh grade. And of course, Community‘s meltdown over having to go to her safety school is equal parts predictable, delicious, and irritating.

Anyway, on to the new shows: